Memories.... Grandpa Bob

I looked back through my pictures from when we met a couple years ago, I didn't have any.
I looked on my phone for a video or an audio recording, nothing there either.
I looked at my friend's blog and there are lots of pictures there, but nothing I personally took, so I didn't want to steal.

But one thing I do have is memories. You see I, like you, knew Grandpa Bob from all the fun stuff that Lily and Muffin had written and posted over the years. But I also got to meet him at one of the most heartbreaking times in my life. He, Lily, Muffin, Kim and Rolf opened up their house in Florida for Reed and I to come down for my Uncle Bob's funeral. In fact he took us out to eat at what has become the maker of Reed's favorite salad dressing. He would get up and have breakfast with us, or would be fussing around getting ready to go play cards with this friends, and that night he would talk to us about how the day went with our family. He would have moments of great lucidity, when he would talk about his job, his wife, his kids, his life in New York, and their travels as a family. Then he would have moments of confusion when he didn't know where he was or how he even got there, when seconds before he was fine.

It is heartbreaking to see the long, painful death of someone who is so intelligent and lively. It is almost more painful to see their decline, slow and steady, instead of a quick, but painful, death to heart attack or an accident. I saw Kim and Rolf treat him with love and patience, even when he was being cantankerous and ornery in his confusion... and sometimes cantankerous and ornery while  completely lucid. (Such is is the way of older, and younger, people who are smart and want their own way.)  In fact, I couldn't believe she and Rolf had enough energy, and hope, to deal with Grandpa Bob's condition every.single.day. But they did, with love and honor for the man who also raised Kim to understand and know how to show that love and honor to the world.

Kim and family gave us this tissue pack as part of our Christmas 2014 gift. We had not used them, cause they were so cute...and I have a hard time using anything gifted to me this adorable. I have to admit this year they were needed several times....the death of Milo and the death of my poor company (another story for another day), but today I broke them open for Grandpa Bob.

We honor Grandpa Bob today.
We honor Kim, Rolf, Lily and Muffin for their care and love for Grandpa Bob over the years.
We thank Grandpa Bob for opening his house to two hurting souls and giving us reasons to smile when we mostly likely would have sat and cried.
We thank Kim, Rolf, Lily and Muffin for introducing us, and the rest of Blogville, to an amazing man.
We are all better people for knowing you, reading about your adventures, and falling under your charm.


Rest in Peace, Grandpa Bob.
You deserve nothing less and everything more.

My Heart is Broken

You see Milo AB Off the Radar (aka Mr. Velvet Ears, Dohcephus, Dohregard, (I guess you'd say, what can make me feel this way) My-Doh (My-Doh, My-Doh, talkin' bout My-Doh oooooh) became sick Wednesday. Vet visits, iv's, pain meds, x-rays, staying up with him night after night…. nothing worked. By today at noon he was dead of renal failure.

I know many people will think this is silly, but you all know how we feel... to us our dogs are our other children…. our family. We had him eight days shy of 10 years and 9 months. We got him when he was 8 weeks old and weighed a whopping 800 grams. Right now all I want to do is sit and cry, just like I have since he died in my arms at 12:25 pm.

Mark and Reed built him a coffin this afternoon. We've all been digging up his grave spot at the back of the property where he loved to go (and we hated him to go bc he was hardheaded and wouldn't come back when we'd yell because there was always one more squirrel to chase or chipmunk to run to ground). He was the smartest dog I've known… and stubbornness and diva-like in his demeanor… but he was my baby. 

Today was awful. Today my heart broke off a big portion and it is buried in the ground where I will never get it back. Today the Rainbow Bridge has another playmate. Run Fast and Free, My Love.

 

So Many Emotions and Such a Need for Peace

We are thinking about what Lily's and Muffn's mom, Kim, is going through with Grandpa Bob. All those feelings and worries that keep her up at night, the uncertainty of the future, and the pressure it puts on her whole family. We are keeping her, and all of you, in our prayers.

2014 is not getting off to a good start for many of us. Many are without jobs, many have health issues or family with issues, money seems to be a big problem with everyone right now, and just so much stress.  Seems the need for a positive thought and a good prayers are increasing every single day.

So I'm sending everyone my good thoughts and prayers right now. I hope that you can feel this virtual hug from our little family to yours, and you can find, like Newby often does, a measure of peace so you can rest.

When you are sending out your own positive thoughts and prayers, keep in mind my Uncle Bob. He was told his cancer is back, again. This time he is just too tired to fight it. We are all so discouraged and disheartened by this news. He is very special to me and many.

Much love and many hugs to all of you!

Wednesday Afternoon

Milo, Dixie, Newby and I are watching Walt Disney's Miracle. Hockey. Don't understand it. I guess it's like soccer but with ice and a pick instead of grass and a ball.

But it's Olympic season, it's cold outside, and it's a great story. And since I've finished my day off chores I deserve a little snuggle time with my special furry kids.

This is a Very Sad Read, but So True...

I found this on Reddit yesterday. I did not write this, but I had to share because it speaks such truth about our little guys and girls. I wanted to share because there might be a day you need to read this, or that day has already passed and you need a reminder.

Some of you, particularly those who think they have recently lost a dog to “death”, don’t really understand this. I’ve had no desire to explain, but won’t be around forever and must.
Dogs never die. They don’t know how to. They get tired, and very old, and their bones hurt. Of course they don’t die. If they did they would not want to always go for a walk, even long after their old bones say:” No, no, not a good idea. Let’s not go for a walk.” Nope, dogs always want to go for a walk. They might get one step before their aging tendons collapse them into a heap on the floor, but that’s what dogs are. They walk.
It’s not that they dislike your company. On the contrary, a walk with you is all there is. Their boss, and the cacaphonic symphony of odor that the world is. Cat poop, another dog’s mark, a rotting chicken bone ( exultation), and you. That’s what makes their world perfect, and in a perfect world death has no place.
However, dogs get very very sleepy. That’s the thing, you see. They don’t teach you that at the fancy university where they explain about quarks, gluons, and Keynesian economics. They know so much they forget that dogs never die. It’s a shame, really. Dogs have so much to offer and people just talk a lot.
When you think your dog has died, it has just fallen asleep in your heart. And by the way, it is wagging it’s tail madly, you see, and that’s why your chest hurts so much and you cry all the time. Who would not cry with a happy dog wagging its tail in their chest. Ouch! Wap wap wap wap wap, that hurts. But they only wag when they wake up. That’s when they say: “Thanks Boss! Thanks for a warm place to sleep and always next to your heart, the best place.”
When they first fall asleep, they wake up all the time, and that’s why, of course, you cry all the time. Wap, wap, wap. After a while they sleep more. (remember, a dog while is not a human while. You take your dog for walk, it’s a day full of adventure in an hour. Then you come home and it’s a week, well one of your days, but a week, really, before the dog gets another walk. No WONDER they love walks.)
Anyway, like I was saying, they fall asleep in your heart, and when they wake up, they wag their tail. After a few dog years, they sleep for longer naps, and you would too. They were a GOOD DOG all their life, and you both know it. It gets tiring being a good dog all the time, particularly when you get old and your bones hurt and you fall on your face and don’t want to go outside to pee when it is raining but do anyway, because you are a good dog. So understand, after they have been sleeping in your heart, they will sleep longer and longer.
But don’t get fooled. They are not “dead.” There’s no such thing, really. They are sleeping in your heart, and they will wake up, usually when you’re not expecting it. It’s just who they are.
I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs sleeping in their heart. You’ve missed so much. Excuse me, I have to go cry now.

Happy Birthday, Newby!!

Can you believe we've had this little love bug in our family for almost 2 years now? I know that my life has been made infinitely better by his wiggly, snuggly, sweet goodness. Last night we had a little birthday celebration for Newby. Reed is leaving for Gatlinburg this morning so he won't be at home to celebrate with Newby on his real birthday. So a plate full of chicken, grilled to perfection, and a bunch of stuffies, which were immediately destuffed, made for a great birthday for our newest little guy.

Happy Birthday, Newby-doo!

2014

A lot of you mentioned the new year and the optimism that a new start would and could happen. It's important to start a new year with the right attitude. Hell, it's important to start each day with the right attitude. This is where I'm struggling right now.

My feelings shuffle between anger to confusion to bargaining to despondency to nothing at all. I'm pretty much sure those are all the signs of grief. I guess it's normal. Any change or loss of any kind affects the mood, the spirit.

My best friend sent me a picture yesterday. Did it change my mood? Make me cry less? Change my attitude? Not really in the way she intended, I guess. I was actually amazed I got it at all. You see with Verizon I rarely could access my voice mail or receive picture messages until I got into town. Christmas day Reed and I changed to Sprint because Verizon was being a pain.

So here I lie in bed, crying, and I get a message... and it's a picture. I didn't look at the picture, more than just the thumbnail, for a while. I simply looked at the screen dumbfounded. I was floored that a simple change in plans would cause my phone to work like everyone else.

A change in plans... that is what I need to just deal for the next little bit. I don't think I can deal with this alone. This is my normal MO. I get upset, hurt, mad, and I cut myself off from everyone. Then I make poor decisions because I am listening to a heart full of pain with a brain lonely for attention. I think I need help. I think instead of being an island I need someone helping me. If even, for today, in the way her picture shows.

Happy New Year, happy new attitude, to me.

Thank You.

Thank you for your kind words, phone calls, emails and texts. You made my heart hurt less, which makes my brain able to think rationally.

I was naive, childish, and gullible, not listening to my head when faced with truth. I do not plan to be so foolish again.

I appreciate your friendship and thoughtfulness.

Foolish

This isn't really a post to be commented on. It probably isn't a post you even would want to read. If you want to just stop reading now, I understand.

I am an idiot. I did something so ignorant that I cannot even bear to think about it. It is beyond embarrassment. It is well beyond something that I would have thought was so out of character that I cannot believe I not only started doing it but I continued.

I hurt myself.
I hurt my family.
I found out I really do not have the friends I thought I did.
I hurt others who I do not even know.

Why? Because I am stupid. I wanted something so much that I would have done anything, moved any mountain, sold anything I own, lied to everyone, been someone I do not even recognize, to obtain this idyllic place.

And, it was all a mirage! Ha. That is the kicker. I knew it was probably a one act play, but I still played along, waiting for the standing ovation at the end. Instead I was merely an audience member watching someone else acting with me as the dupe in the audience.

I know this is vague. I know it makes no sense to more than a handful of people on the Earth, but I had to write this, in an area which is my own and private, to chastise myself on my foolishness, and to make myself accountable that I'll never allow anything like this to happen again.  Even if I have to not have friends or anyone close to me again, I'll never allow myself to be here, in this wretched place of unhappiness and pain.

Today hug yourself. Give yourself some love, some encouragement that you are going to be ok no matter how bad the present seems. I'm going to do likewise, and pray that I really am going to be fine.

Football Has RETURNED!!

Last night one of our favorite nights of the year... the return of NFL football... second only to Dual Number #1s the return of College football and the Season Premier of NCIS.  In honor of such a special night (and any other night of the year I deem 'special') we had special food for humans as well as the furry humans.  The two leggers had seasoned fries and Bacon Bleu Cheese Burgers... the four leggers had burgers.... and Dixie got a headstart on everyone!

Another Golf Posting... Cause I Haven't Taken Dachshund Pictures Lately!!

Reed and his dad played yesterday for $9 each with a cart! (Mark was doing a bit of a happy dance.) And he was ever so nice to acquire a few shots and some video for us to ooohhh and ahhhhh over.

Hopefully we will be back to our normal dachshund schedule soon.
Also, say a little prayer for our best girl, Lily, who had to go to the dogter for a bum leg. We hope that doesn't effect her dancing, cause we'd sure like to see her at the party September 7th!

Something Non-Dachshund Related....

I don't often post about my 2 legged pupper, so I thought I would show him in his natural habitat... the wild, untamed, golf course.  Reed has been playing since he was 4. Basically his dad would take him out, with him, to get him out of my hair.  Only he figured out a few years later that Reed would become a much better golfer than he himself could be.

So when he isn't doing school or playing xbox he is out perfecting his game.  From what I understand this is a lifelong goal for all golfers, so expect to see Reed on a course near you in the future.

These were taken at Woodford Hills County Club. It's around 25 miles from our house. This was before he got his new lob wedge... I'm guessing he'll have to go play there again to see how much better he plays!

What Eating a Snack Looks Like at my House

Did I share? Oh heck no!!!!

Throwback Thursday - Mommy Edition

She was a cute little pupper, wasn't she??

Here she is with a chicken that she doesn't remember. Obviously if she had been given a stuffed dachshund she would be snuggled up with it, even today!

Here she is with her cousins, Jimmy and Greg when she was around 6 months old.  Her Aunt Sylbia is looking on with a knowing look.  She is probably thinking one day her son Greg will tickle that cute little human pupper so much, each time he saw her, so today she is unaffected by tickling.

Apparently horseback riding was something she aspired to do... until she realized they smelled bad.

You know from that look she was confused about the fact the cake would go straight to her hips.

The earliest picture.

Best Part/Worst Part About Sunny Days

These pictures are from Monday when the sun was streaming down, we were warm, and mom decided we needed to be wet, too.  You see Mom likes these sunny days because she can give us the dreadful bath then we can go to the porch and dry on the deck.

Lucky for us it's only 70° and rainy today so mom won't bathe us.... right mom?  Right? Uh, Mom... right?!?

*The close up pictures of Newby's head is showing how Dixie has decided to groom him until he is bald... and he lets her!!!!  We have to shoo her off him... it's because fleas and mosquitos are very bad this year and we are having trouble keeping our little ones free of bugs.. in our world one bug is too many... no repellant seems to work, any suggestions?