A lot of you mentioned the new year and the optimism that a new start would and could happen. It's important to start a new year with the right attitude. Hell, it's important to start each day with the right attitude. This is where I'm struggling right now.
My feelings shuffle between anger to confusion to bargaining to despondency to nothing at all. I'm pretty much sure those are all the signs of grief. I guess it's normal. Any change or loss of any kind affects the mood, the spirit.
My best friend sent me a picture yesterday. Did it change my mood? Make me cry less? Change my attitude? Not really in the way she intended, I guess. I was actually amazed I got it at all. You see with Verizon I rarely could access my voice mail or receive picture messages until I got into town. Christmas day Reed and I changed to Sprint because Verizon was being a pain.
So here I lie in bed, crying, and I get a message... and it's a picture. I didn't look at the picture, more than just the thumbnail, for a while. I simply looked at the screen dumbfounded. I was floored that a simple change in plans would cause my phone to work like everyone else.
A change in plans... that is what I need to just deal for the next little bit. I don't think I can deal with this alone. This is my normal MO. I get upset, hurt, mad, and I cut myself off from everyone. Then I make poor decisions because I am listening to a heart full of pain with a brain lonely for attention. I think I need help. I think instead of being an island I need someone helping me. If even, for today, in the way her picture shows.
Happy New Year, happy new attitude, to me.